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A couple of years ago, a girl at the Ranch shared with me how she felt wronged–someone in her life had failed her. She had tried to do the right thing and went to talk through it (there was no personal danger in this situation), but the other person did not make the changes she wanted. Along the way, she faced a decision: should she forgive this person?
She wasn’t sure what to do. These days our society seems to say forgiveness enables abusers, doesn’t hold people accountable, is self-degrading, and mostly just inauthentic posturing. Forgiveness undermines justice. If she forgave, would she be feeding the problem?
But what happens if we don’t forgive? Resentment–the result of not forgiving–affects us psychologically (unregulated emotions, anxiety, depression), relationally (loss of trust, built-up anger that redirects toward others), and even physically (issues with digestion, immunity, cardiovascular health, etc.). If we don’t forgive, we get stuck at that spot, essentially trapped in a prison under the power of the one who wronged us, unable to move on. Nelson Mandela, Carrie Fisher, and St. Augustine are all credited with the famous quote: “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

How could she forgive without compromising justice or harming herself? As usual, the Bible helps us. In fact, forgiveness is at the very heart of the Gospel. The more we understand our own sin, the more we understand our desperate need for forgiveness. As we understand how much and how completely we’ve been forgiven, we are empowered to forgive others.
Matthew 18 shows us that forgiveness does not mean to stop pursuing justice or accountability. This means someone can call the police to arrest an abuser, and yet still choose to forgive the wrongdoer, releasing the resentment. Forgiveness doesn’t mean to enable or set no boundaries. In severe situations someone can forgive and also know they need to never even be around the perpetrator unless they demonstrate heart change and consistently different behavior.
The Bible also addresses the emotional turmoil we face with forgiveness. One snippet: the Gospels show us forgiveness and anger can coexist. Jesus was angry. Each time, it was at the sin of the very people He came to die for. His anger was birthed out of His love for those sinning and those harmed by the sin. His forgiveness didn’t negate His anger, and His anger didn’t preclude His forgiveness. Everything flows from His love.
Jesus’s forgiveness is at the center of everything, because forgiveness is giving up the right to demand repayment for the wrong done. It requires sacrifice; the cost has to be borne. Ultimately, the cost of repayment for the whole world’s sin had to be borne. When we look to the cross, we see Jesus–the only one who could–paying that cost, and forgiving our sin.
The more we understand how much we’ve been forgiven, the easier it is to forgive. As we forgive, we are freed to move forward. It isn’t simple or easy, and it may take a long time. But on the cross, Jesus made it possible!
Nate Boyd, Executive Director
Apr 9, 2024