Intern reflection: A good gardener

By Madi Bailey, one-year intern

Below the business office there is a row of irises. The task on outdoor work program was to tend to this area, to weed and remove anything that is not a flower. As I was pulling weeds, the Lord gave me a visual of my internship.

I closed my eyes and envisioned an endless garden. Infinite amounts of wildflowers, every flower known and unknown. A singular tree in the midst of this garden. I saw myself barefoot and wearing a white flowing dress. First noticing the overwhelming beauty of the garden, I was hesitant to move from where I was.

“Follow me,” a recognizable voice whispered in my ear. As if my body was sliding down a wall, I buried myself where I was.

I felt a presence next to me, holding me. I am safe. “Follow me,” the voice said again, speaking louder. I felt my hands being held. I was embraced by the light, by Jesus.

When I glanced behind me, I saw where I had come from, the domain of darkness. An overgrown wilderness desolated by unspeakable horrors.

Tears softly rolled down my cheeks as I gazed at Jesus. I closed my eyes and said, “I am scared. Where you want to take me I have never been. I lived in the wilderness on my own. I do not know how to walk with You to the promised land.” Jesus wiped my tears and said, “My precious child, you were never alone in the shadow of death. I was with you every moment. I will remain with you. I am bringing you out of the domain of darkness and transferring you into my kingdom.”

We leisurely walked through the wildflowers. The journey no longer felt daunting. Our mission was to make it to the tree of life.

On the way I noticed a secret garden. A separate garden that was gated, surrounded by chains and locks, that held flowers that were consumed by weeds and thistles. I picked up my pace noticing this, wanting to walk past as I felt the darkness that I once felt before. In my avoidance and rush, Jesus slowed down and stopped.

Jesus had the key to unlock the gate. He entered and motioned me to follow behind him. “Do you see that this garden is separate from the other? That all these weeds and thistles have not been tended to? That this garden holds sins that you have not yet addressed, which you have ignored. That each weed represents something in your life that you have not fully given to me. We are going to pull weeds out, pulling them out by the root. I will pull the majority of the weeds, but some of them I will need your help with. Some are so big that I need you to choose to let go,” Jesus softly explained.

Overwhelmed by the amount of gardening that needed to be done, I crumbled into the weeds. This was the bed I would lay myself to sleep on each and every night. I wept and Jesus did too. He expressed, “Gardening is to allow the flowers to have more resources, so they do not have to compete with the weeds for nutrients. As we pull each of these weeds, we will have to come back to this garden to maintain growth. This garden is your mind,” Jesus spoke. As we finished for the time being, I walked more in step with Jesus, starting to understand why I was following him.

The once distant tree became nearer to us. Barren leaves and rotten fruit consumed the branches. Each fruit on the tree represented a negative belief about myself. “When these roots are gone, the rotten fruit will fall,” Jesus explained. I questioned how to reroot myself to bear new fruit. Jesus answered, “Your identity is in what you root yourself in. You can build your beliefs on the foundation of being a child of God filled with the fruit of the Spirit. This tree is your heart.”

This garden represents my life as a whole. During this internship I have had the freedom and the experience to walk through my mind and heart with Jesus, and to endure the process of healing. Mentors, counselors, and disciplers have also been my gardeners, helping me identify the growths in me that are causing more harm than help. In this help, they are also identifying the flowers that are growing in me, not just letting me fixate on the weeds.