Student profile: Monica
Monica’s earliest memories of her birth mother were ones of rejection, absence, and neglect. Her mother would be gone for more than a day at a time, and when she returned, she was drunk, unaware of the presence of her three children. Because life at home was unpredictable, Monica learned to feed herself and her siblings and also became their protector.
Monica was five when CPS showed up, and she and her siblings were removed from the home. Monica and her sister saw their brother on family visits, but their mother never showed up. As Christmas time neared, Monica and her sister picked out a gift and got dressed up for the family visit. They waited. But she didn’t come. On the drive back, tears streamed down Monica’s face. It began to settle in that her mother wasn’t going to get better.
At the next foster home, Monica’s brother rejoined them. Unfortunately here they endured further abuse and neglect. Monica was coerced to lie to the social workers about how they were being treated. It wasn’t until CPS made a visit to Monica’s school that she had the opportunity to speak out for their safety. As they drove away from the house, relief washed over her. They couldn’t hurt them anymore.
Then Monica’s siblings started fighting. It became so much that their social worker decided to separate their brother and move him to a different home. Monica was devastated.
Not long after, Monica and her sister moved into their new home. They were formally adopted a year later. “That’s when my life actually started. My mom would tell me now, the first nine months were really hard. She had to take time off work to help me and my sister.
“My mom compares those nine months to [the length of a pregnancy.] ‘How you carry a baby for nine months - we were carrying you for those nine months.’”
Monica shares, “It was a healthy family. I knew deep down this was a good family. But with all my trauma, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
When high school hit, Monica wasn’t interested in hanging out with friends, or finding a job, or practicing driving. It was like she was standing in a still frame, while everyone else’s lives continued around her. Monica’s mom began asking more questions about her life pre-adoption. As more abuse surfaced, her mom wept with her. They cried for a long time.
As Monica’s mom looked for resources for her daughter, Monica’s therapist suggested the Ranch. Monica wrestled with the idea of being separated from her sister. Leaving her felt irresponsible and impossible. She had been her primary caregiver all those years. She had protected her. Who would do that if she left? Monica’s mom released Monica from this responsibility. She gently reminded her, “I’m the mom, now.”
Monica arrived at the Ranch angry and frustrated at her parents. She blamed God. “Why did God do this to me? I wish I didn’t have trauma. I wish I was never separated from my siblings.”
It would take Monica many months to begin to trust the authority figures at the Ranch.
The wilderness trip - six months into her stay - was an unexpected and unwelcome challenge. Over the course of the trip, she began to build bonds with her teammates as they jumped off cliffs and navigated unknown terrain together. There was much laughter and silliness at camp, and true friendships began to form as they spent the days together. Ten days into the trip, Monica sprained her ankle. The team devised a plan to help carry her and distribute her pack. But because of the nature of the sprain, Monica had to leave the trip early. Every day of the trip Monica had wished she was back at the Ranch. But when she had to go, she realized she wanted to stay.
“[During the wilderness trip], I learned that I can let people in and love me and to let people help me when I need it the most.”
“Growing up, until the age of eight, was traumatizing. I learned that there are horrible people in this world, which eventually led me to close my heart off to people. But I learned to close off the good people, too, because I was scared they would bring me pain.”
Monica’s relationships continued to strengthen over time. She saw that her parents weren’t the ones to blame for sending her to the Ranch; it was God’s hand that led her here.
“The Ranch has helped me with my trauma in so many ways. The Ranch has helped me to come to accept that everything God has done was for good. God didn’t do those horrible things to me. He didn’t want that to happen to me. I’ve come to have a deeper relationship with Him. He has brought peace in my heart.”
The last few months have been particularly significant to Monica in her time at the Ranch as she’s been able to see her own growth and the fruit of her efforts. Monica graduated high school in May and received a scholarship for academic achievement. Pray with us for her continued growth and God’s guidance as she considers her next steps.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
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