Student Profile: Nate

By: Zoya Lee

Nate was restless. He was sitting in his parents’ minivan on a one-way trip to CEM, with events of recent weeks replaying in his head. He thought of that day at the beach. He and his younger brother, Zac, were wrestling, and after being repeatedly asked to stop, Nate shoved Zac into an oncoming wave. The impact shattered some of Zac’s ribs. Nate’s parents were infuriated at his disobedience which had been ongoing but this time resulting in serious physical injury. It was the last straw.

​Nate was restless. He was sitting in his parents’ minivan on a one-way trip to CEM, with events of recent weeks replaying in his head. He thought of that day at the beach. He and his younger brother, Zac, were wrestling, and after being repeatedly asked to stop, Nate shoved Zac into an oncoming wave. The impact shattered some of Zac’s ribs. Nate’s parents were infuriated at his disobedience which had been ongoing but this time resulting in serious physical injury. It was the last straw.

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A week later, Zac called Nate into his room. “Nate, I love you. [But] I don’t see the brother that I saw that was happy and joyful...You need to check yourself. You’re either going to die of an overdose, kill yourself, or go to jail. I never want to see you in jail, and if you go to jail, I will never visit you or talk to you again.” Nate felt the full weight of his brother’s words and yet, he didn’t know how to change.

Nate’s season of high school football was driven by his desire for acceptance, marked by drugs and sex, and characterized by undue aggression. “I would purposely try to hurt people when I played... It would get out my anger.” When football season ended, Nate’s motivation to attend class dwindled, and he began to withdraw into the safety of isolation once again. Though Nate was attending youth group at church, his behavior frightened others, causing them to distance themselves. Nate’s hurricane of emotion was spiraling out of control and there was no stopping it.

When Nate arrived at CEM, his sense of humor won others over quickly. But Nate wasn’t ready to let others into his life. As more time passed, Nate began to see that the interns’ kindness and curiosity were genuine. Furthermore, they accepted him - mistakes, screw-ups, and all. “They told me they would love me no matter what.”

At CEM, Nate continued his pattern of isolation until one day, an intern asked him, “Nate, what are you holding back?” Nate murmured, “Nothing.” Then he ran out of the building. Nate came to the realization that holding back meant rejecting authentic relationships - something he deeply craved. “I’ve learned not to hold anything back. You won’t get anywhere, if you won’t be honest.”

Nate (R) and Roy are buddies for life. When they’re not throwing the frisbee, they’re fishing and talking music, sports, and Jesus.

Growing up as a pastor’s kid, Nate felt relegated to the image of a well-behaved, high-achieving child. His inability to maintain this facade contributed to his inner turmoil. A few weeks after arriving at CEM, Nate found himself alone on an eight-hour solo time in the middle of Tahoe National Forest, crying out to God. “I was thinking I could do everything on my own. I just kept hearing, ‘No, you can’t.’” In those moments, Nate relinquished control of his life once more to his Creator.

“I was so depressed. I hated myself. I hated everything...I literally had a sign over my head that said: ‘Drug dealer.’ ‘Sex addict.’ One day I just gave it to God and He crumpled up the sign and threw it away. He said, “You’re a new creation. You’re my child. You’re accepted. You’re loved. You’re treasured. You’re in my arms, and I will hold you forever.” I’ve never felt this accepted in my life. 

​ The process of familial reconciliation is underway, and Nate has hope for the future. “I want to change the world, and I want to go to people and say, ‘What the heck are you doing? I know you can do better than this.’” Nate continues on his journey of daily surrender at CEM and in so doing encourages his fellow students to do the same.